I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
