Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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