did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
