$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
