i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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