I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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