Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
