my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
