Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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