If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
