He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
