we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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