My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
