Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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