Don't make out with my wife yet
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
