oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize