I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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