i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
false alarm. still invincible.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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