I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
