i don't really know how much tequila is too much
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
