Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize