Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
