I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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