I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize