You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
