Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
