Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
