I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
