he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
