i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
