i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
