when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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