He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
