oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just blew my weed a kiss
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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