he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
