ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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