it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
