I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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