We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
