Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
