i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
