Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
