my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
