My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
