That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
