My first STD was from a foam party
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
