i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize