Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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