just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize