She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
