Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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