Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
