I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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