she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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