So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
