um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
