Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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