we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i think my cat just said my name.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize