i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize