I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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