..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
