guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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