where am i from again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
