Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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