She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
