It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
