Got a toothbrush?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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