I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
