Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
