get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize