Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
