I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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