Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
