Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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