just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
