Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
